What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:28
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why can’t the British eat or drink anything unless they place a table cloth on the table first?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But, we were locked up after school.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot live in the past .
Does Donald Trump have low self-esteem?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why did i forgive my father ?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What would you change in Rings of Power?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
How is it not psychopathic to use someone for sex, even if they agree?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
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I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
How was your JEE 2024 result like?
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why do I sweat a great deal while exercising the same on some days and not so much on others?
She was in good health!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why am I so afraid that gun owners have set traps to kill me outside my house or my car?
She found it foreign!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Is it considered rude to comment on someone's weight? Is it simply stating a fact?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
How much of lounge pianists playing is from repertoire, and how much is improvised?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I could never make a relationship work though!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Would this be the day?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Ive learnt so much.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I waited trembling.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He resisted the act ,that day.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We all went to grammer schools
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So whats the point in blame.
But it wasn’t much.
She married twice! .
I will be 64.
When she asked me how she looked .
My family never makes their pension either.
I have no regrets .
And i lived it daily.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She loved him until the end.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So, i spoilt her more .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
This is soul school!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was 9 years of age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was very sick at this time too.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My life is so biszare .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
All the time i was locked up.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Who then, do I blame.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But ive been too sick for many years..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Comes on , in middle age.
Im still living with it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were not on the streets..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I think the readers, may guess!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I said to her
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
I was seconnd youngest,
Especially a lifetime of it.
It was going to be , some day.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What did i know ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He knew the spot.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I write beautiful poetry .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She wouldn,t have been !